It’s Your Choice

Navigating Dating On and Offline

Interview by Emme Martin | Photography courtesy of Megan Weks

Technology has changed the dating game—for better or worse. It’s a game that requires some finesse. Unspoken intentions while swiping, lack of authenticity, and pressure to launch a new relationship on Instagram are all factors that have required an evolved approach to modern-day dating. New York City dating coach Megan Weks understands the struggle and knows how to play the game. Weks’s tried-and-true program, The Manfunnel Method, arose from her passion for helping women realize their worth so they could stop settling for less than they deserve. Think of her as your cool older sister who made all the mistakes so you can avoid them. She explains her story, methods, and some juicy tips for dating on and offline. Get ready to fall in love!

VIE: Tell us about your background and how you became a dating coach.

Megan Weks: I knew in my bones I was destined to help women rebirth themselves after relationship hardship, but at the time, I had no idea how I could turn this into a career. The year was 2015, and I was working as a recruitment consultant at a Wall Street bank, but what I really enjoyed doing was sitting in my girlfriends’ cubicles, sharing the sacred knowledge I’d uncovered.

One of these women hadn’t had a boyfriend in a decade and was at a low point in her confidence, the second one had no luck getting past a third date, and the third woman hadn’t been in a relationship for nearly seven years. As a fledgling coach, I never expected what would happen next; all three of these women were beginning serious relationships after just three months of our work together. That’s when I committed to going all in as a full-time dating coach. The three women are all married now!

Technology has changed the dating game—for better or worse. It’s a game that requires some finesse.

VIE: Can you tell us a little bit about your own love story?

MW: I dated in Manhattan for over a decade. I pounded the pavement looking for love, but the problem wasn’t that I couldn’t attract a man; it was that I couldn’t seem to hold on to one for any significant amount of time. It finally dawned on me that I was the common denominator in my failed attempts at love. The lackluster process and poor mindset I operated with prevented me from moving forward to attract the high-quality partner I was ultimately seeking.

My research uncovered some serious blunders that had caused me to hit a wall in my relationships time after time. I had no idea how guarded I was and how this eroded my connection with men. I had no idea how clouded my vision of a partner was and how most of the men I was after were just wrong for me. My communication skills were barely existent, and I was primed to land in dysfunctional relationships by subconsciously recreating the patterns I had been conditioned to expect.

Without leaning into the world of personal development in regard to finding love, I would have never become the person I am today. I would have never found the relationship I have with my loving husband. I would have likely never reached this level of success in my career nor discovered my true purpose. When I met the man of my dreams, Josh, I thought he was too handsome and probably wouldn’t like me—but I executed my new tools and what is now called The Manfunnel Method of dating. As a result, before we had known each other for six months, he told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Four months after that, we said “I do” at my dream location, the Sunset Beach Hotel on Shelter Island, New York. That was over eight years ago.

 

VIE: What is The Manfunnel Method, and where did the idea come from? 

MW: My job at the time required me to develop a prospect funnel; my boss had us fill out a form at the end of each day with the names of all the leads we had generated—talk about micro-management! However tedious this process may have seemed, it opened my eyes and changed everything in my life.

In training, my boss said, “Only 20 percent of your funnel will close.” I realized that if I wanted to hit my quota at work—and find my forever guy—I’d better stop latching on to mere possibilities, create more solid opportunities, and, in my dating life, choose men who were choosing me. I would no longer wait around and pin all my hopes on just one man.

After one particularly incredible heartbreak, I made the connection; I realized that I was constantly putting all my eggs in one basket when it came to my personal life—well, no more! I started to strategize. If a man was going to be in my “Manfunnel,” he had to be choosing me. I positioned myself to have enough fun and enjoyable options in dating that I could be the one to “choose.” The Manfunnel was born. It’s a method of dating where women learn to use their feminine energy and effective communication to attract and enjoy a host of prospective men until one presents himself with the right efforts, the right energy, and the makings of a lasting, meaningful connection.

VIE: What are your thoughts on the effectiveness of online dating? 

MW: Online dating can be highly effective and is so promising. It allows us to meet people from anywhere with whom we would have had zero connection otherwise. I find it fun and fascinating.

Dating with technology, in some ways, has become more challenging, but with the right mindset and tools, it’s an awesome opportunity. There is that feeling that the world of possibilities is at your fingertips—an endless carousel of “next.” When people strike out and don’t succeed, it’s easy to point the finger at this carousel as to why someone didn’t choose you. From where I sit, however, it just means you must figure out how to be unforgettable. That’s where I come in!

Megan’s Dating Profile Tips

• Never leave a blank in your profile or give a boring answer, such as one line about your job.
• Express your essence by sharing how you feel when doing your favorite things.
• Be clear about who you are and who you are seeking.
• Be clear about the nature of the relationship you’re seeking as well.
• You don’t have to drop the “m” word if you’re seeking marriage, but do be clear about your intentions of meeting people who also have serious intentions.
• Photos that showcase your eyes and compelling microexpressions will get the most attention.
• Your photos should be high quality and high resolution. You must show your full body and flaunt those curves if you’ve got them.
• Be warm, excited, and inviting in your text and messages online. Bring good energy into your profiles and processes, and you’ll make great connections before you know it.

VIE: What are your best tips for our readers looking for love?

MW: You should pat yourself on the back for picking up this magazine because I’m about to give you two of my favorite tips for expediting the dating process! The first tip is that it’s crucial to speak to the man about himself and about what makes you feel curious during your initial interactions. This gives the man a good reason to ask you out. He knows that you find him interesting and not just that he is simply a man in a man suit. You have no idea how often this is overlooked and how important it is to make the other person feel seen within the initial messaging process.

Online dating can be highly effective and is so promising. It allows us to meet people from anywhere with whom we would have had zero connection otherwise.

The level of fallout on dating apps is vast and will continue to be so if you’re not incorporating this into your process. Compliment the other person and share what you noticed about his profile. Try something like, “I see that you’re really into the arts, and you have an incredibly warm smile. Feel free to say hi!” Or maybe a playful, “Hey. Wow! Where were you driving that gorgeous sports car?”

Second, I will share a tip to prevent the biggest time-wasting mistake in online dating, which I call the Black Hole of Dating. The Black Hole is when you get caught up messaging someone you met online for many days or weeks before meeting them in real life. During this time, it can feel exhilarating, like you have a fish on the line—when in actuality, you have nothing but a stranger who is also feeling good about having someone to message with while keeping deeper intimacy at a safe distance.

It’s your job to set the intention and pace for how you want the process to go. Overall, in dating, if you do not have an intentional process, you’ll end up with wishy-washy results.

When you’ve been chatting for a while and want him to set a date, say something like, “It’s been so nice chatting, and I’m curious about getting to know you better. Feel free to set up a call or video date. Right now, I’m around on Thursday evening or Saturday midday!” You want to get them on a date to feel if there’s a connection or not before wasting your precious time. Your goal is to use this script after the first round of texts back and forth when it feels like the conversation is going well and that a basic connection has been sparked.

If he doesn’t set a date and keeps chatting, it’s a sign to reset the intention and make sure you’re both seeking the same goals from your online interactions, which can be simply that you’re seeking something of substance and are interested in making connections in real life.

VIE: What is your advice for meeting potential suitors offline? 

MW: As you walk into a room, a bar, a coffee shop, or wherever, keep your heart’s energy warm and shining out of your beautiful eyes and smile. Say a quick, simple hello to people you’re experiencing. Then go about your business with no expectations of a conversation. You will find that it will open up a window of opportunity everywhere. That energy alone will let people know you are warm and approachable. This sends a positive, attractive signal to men, and they’re drawn to take action.

VIE: What do you say to people who are feeling discouraged in the dating process?

MW: I love to help people understand that the reason their dating isn’t yielding results is never that they are unworthy of attention or love. Your soul was made for love. That discouragement is a construct, a negative mindset. I want you to know that there is always another chance at love, that you are worthy, and that the love you seek is available to you, truly!

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Follow Megan Weks on Instagram at @themanfunnel or contact her through TheManfunnel.com to find love.