Dancing Through Grief

Sea Lion Bryan

By Jordan Staggs | Photography courtesy of Bryan Martin

There are some things in life we can never truly prepare for, and losing a spouse or life partner due to unimaginable circumstances is one of them. That was the devastating reality for Bryan Martin, whose partner, Clayton Bond, developed a severe case of ringworm from contaminated soil in his mother’s backyard. They later learned that the previous owner of the home had buried a pet there, and Bond broke through the plastic bag it was contained in while gardening, accidentally touching the remains. Martin cared for his partner throughout a grueling months-long battle with the fungal infection and severe side effects caused by it. Unfortunately, the stress on Bond’s body became too much.

“I had lost my dad in 2017, and just four months later, I was rushing Clayton to the hospital, where they said he was in terminal liver failure and had only about eight months left,” Martin shares. “I took care of him while working full-time, and when he passed away, I really didn’t know what to do.”

Martin, who holds a degree in marine biology from Salem University in Massachusetts, spent the beginning of his career working with sea lions and dolphins in San Diego and then at the Georgia Aquarium in Atlanta. “But I didn’t want to be landlocked,” he admits. The desire to be closer to the water led Martin and Bond to the Gulf Coast of Florida. Martin took a position at the Gulfarium Marine Adventure Park in Fort Walton Beach, where he worked mainly with the sea lions and penguins—earning him the nickname “Sea Lion Bryan,” which has become his well-known social media handle. He was working at the Gulfarium when the harrowing situation with his partner occurred.

After Bond died, Martin began sharing his story on Facebook, citing it as the easiest way to inform everyone of what had happened without continually repeating himself. After a few months of sharing his raw, heartfelt feelings on social media, Soaring Spirits International (SSI) reached out to him. The SSI community’s mission is to support people who have been widowed by connecting them via their network so they may share their grief and experiences, have their feelings validated, and get help learning how to cope with their new reality, regardless of their marital status, age, gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion. “This group is amazing, and I’m glad I get to share it with people because it’s really important to know that widowed people come in all shapes, sizes, and ages, and you don’t have to be married to be widowed,” Martin shares. “They asked me to represent the LGBTQ community as one of their blog writers. So, for five years, I would write weekly about where I was and how I felt.”

Grief and love are the two greatest uniters

Writing became a way to channel his emotions and help others through the power of shared experience. Martin says it was during those first few years blogging for SSI that he began to move forward again with his life after dealing with back-to-back devastating losses. “I never say ‘move on’ because you don’t,” he admits.

“But when the world shut down in 2020, I was extremely depressed,” Martin continues. “A friend reached out to me and said, ‘You’ve got to do something that brings you joy. You used to really love dancing; why don’t you jump on TikTok and try it?’ My answer was initially, ‘Isn’t that for twelve-year-old girls?” But thanks to his friend’s encouragement and a community of people sharing goofy dance videos on the app, Martin decided to give it a shot. Shockingly, his first dance video went viral, and he saw a jump of about ten thousand followers on TikTok just from that first post. “I realized it was fun. I thought, ‘I can’t control that the world is locked down, but I can control this.’ I promised myself I would do one dance video a day, just for myself—and that started it all.”

Martin began posting videos and sharing stories about his sea lions in addition to his daily dance videos, even dancing with them on occasion, and he saw his following on social media begin to climb. When Facebook and Instagram started heavily pushing video content in late 2020, Martin shared his TikToks there and saw exponential growth in his audience on those platforms.

“It exploded,” he says of the skyrocketing numbers. “My Facebook is now at about 1.1 million followers, and Instagram’s at over 300,000. I was sharing my blog every week and sharing my dancing, and people noticed, ‘Wait—you’re sad, but you can be happy at the same time?’ It made me realize people needed to see that those things can coexist. It has continued to build an amazing support group not only for me but those followers, as well.” His efforts even earned him a spot on “Dance Party Trivia,” a game segment on ABC’s Live with Kelly and Ryan talk show in 2021, which he won.

After about five years of writing for SSI and watching his community grow on social media, Martin realized he wanted to fill in some of the gaps in his stories by adapting his blogs into book form. He began working on The Widowed Dancer: Growing Through Grief with Gratitude, a memoir with the goal of reaching an even wider audience—particularly those who might not use social media. He was very intentional in its creation: the cover needed to be bold and the text large enough for readers of all ages to easily access, and all the photos are in color to provide life and a sense of joy even when talking about very raw, sad things. Martin says he chose to self-publish the book through Amazon because he didn’t want to filter his writing or be edited; he preferred sharing his thoughts and emotions precisely as they were when he first wrote them to channel his grief.

After we go through something that sticks with us, we have to remember not to focus only on the past; present time is a gift—that’s why it’s called present

“Grief and love are the two greatest uniters,” Martin explains. “They bring everyone together. And seeing how people resonated with my story and how grief isn’t linear, I wanted to have the book as an option for people. They can still see my blog, but I wanted to publish the book in honor of Clayton, of myself and the journey I went through, and to show everyone how you can grow through grief. The response has been incredible. I wrote the book for myself and my well-being, but seeing that it has created a safe space for other people and knowing that it’s helping them gives my loss meaning and a greater purpose—even if I help just one more person, that makes a difference.”

Martin is still sharing his dance videos daily on social media under his handle @sealionbryan, where he also occasionally shares content starring his husband, Devin. The couple recently celebrated their first anniversary, and Martin continues to tell his story, inspire his audience, and process his grief and happiness in tandem through connecting with others.

“After we go through something that sticks with us, we have to remember not to focus only on the past; present time is a gift—that’s why it’s called present,” he reminds us as he shares advice on fighting through the most challenging moments of life and loss. “There are smiles and happiness in your future. Don’t let your past steal future minutes because we don’t get many, and in the blink of an eye, they’re gone. Honor your emotions, but realize you have to come to terms with what happened, accept it, and know that you are 100 percent successful at surviving every day. So remember that you’ve done your best every day, and you’ll continue to do your best. Look forward, grow through your grief, find joy, and spread it in abundance. You will be shocked at the abundance of amazing things that come into your life if you share your story.”

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Visit @sealionbryan on TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook to see more content, or check out Bryan Martin’s VIE Book Club podcast episode on all your favorite listening platforms and VIE’s YouTube channel.